20090206
exhuasted



Its been ages since i dared show my face on the surface of public blogging.

Did some thinking, and I figured many things out in Korea, and even more back here in Singapore. I guess now I know where my rights are, and i realised that no one can really tell me what I should do or not.

What a fool I was to think that a mere human can command another.

Choices lie within our own power and will, let no one take that basic right of choice away from you.

Let no one dehumanise you to something which is lesser than a human.

And yes, to answer the age old question, I no longer believe in the existence of the Christian God. Looking at things in retrospect, I realised that things are not as sugar coated as I thought they were. To put it bluntly Christianity, when broken down to its very roots, can really be nothing more than a fully bulletproofed lie. It has been so well accounted for that it can still work within its own system even if Jesus is really not God, but yet another human being who has walked the earth.

I got a taste of my own medicine the other day, I bumped into this super on Christian from CHC, and wow, I saw my old self in him. He went on and on chanting and repeating whatever he heard during his pastor's sermon and recited fragments with perfect accuracy. I asked him questions but he just went on repeating the same phrases over and over, without really having a thought as to what he was saying.

I guess the bulletproofing attributes this to being saturated in the spirit.

However they want to put it, I was not convinced at all, because many a time I encounter believers in Christ who know many things, but understand so little. They absorb, but they do not process any information that they've stored in their heads.

Its a waste, I guess.

On a side note, many things have happened, many wrongs made right, many wounds patched up, many grudges dissolved, a few conflicts resolved.

But right now I'm just so tired.

So tired of working day in and day out, worrying about the outcome of my projects, going paranoid about the future, and what will become of me.

This stage of my life is the most pivotal stage after all.

I just wonder how long more can I go on like this, with 3-4 hours of sleep a day, with 8-10 hours of work everyday.

This weariness is really getting into me.

I'm too tired to even think now, thought it was a good thing but now, its not a good thing at all. I guess this incessant negativity when blogging has already been hardwired into my system, something which is starting to become harder and harder to change.

All of a sudden this life doesn't seem so promising anymore.


 Tianyong
20 years old.
The time will come soon.