20090405
I know I have to say goodbye



Things have changed and I know I can't stay in the same place.

But I'm really afraid, I can't understand. I cannot see, I can't read when it comes to this. I cannot predict, I cannot confirm, everything's in a blur and for the first time in a long time, I am unfamiliar with the vague. I don't know if I should do this.

But yet again, a tiny voice tells me that this is just like the others, and I should probably move along and walk by. I guess, I'm just going to continue with my life, trying to pick up the pieces from the past.

Say, I gymmed last week, and I allowed my aches to recover for 5 days. I really think I wanna gym tomorrow, so I guess I'll bring my gear to head down straight after work.

And, I've stopped smoking (or at least that is what I hope to maintain until my next unholy encounter) and I've not bought a pack ever since 2 days ago. I really want to stop this one, its not good, and a friend of mine somewhat got influenced and tried a puff too. (Last person I'd want to see pick up smoking)

My relationship with booze has turned to the taste of barf, as too much of a good thing landed me boxed up in 4 walls of a closetal slump. I puked my guts out last night, all night, after a pretty much one-sided affair with shot upon shot of tequila. I remember most of the things I did/said when I got drunk now, and I must say, I am never going to put my confidential integrity to the test in a long time.

So, to make things short, I'm no longer smoking, I'll not drink in a long time, I'm going to rebuild my fitness, I even want to get more tanned, and I'm earning some cash, seems like things are finally going as desired.

And of course, once I get bored with the stability and peace, its back to my self-destructive yet ever so gratifying vices again.

I am not going to let this one in, until I've gained an assurance, I'm sorry for being cold but I really need something to hold on if I want to give anything away.


 Tianyong
20 years old.
The time will come soon.